Up Before The Sun

2009-10-07T18:05:00.000-07:00

On the road again...

2009-09-20T14:21:00.000-07:00

I have officially started my second travel season. Along with that, I am trying to set goals of things I want to accomplish in all my free time or lack of it! Again, I want to try and blog more. I pretty much constantly have a dialogue going on in my head that sounds like a blog. If only I could automatically download it from brain to computer - I would be set. Lot's of entertaining things for you all, or no one, to read.

-Olympia, WA
Barnes & Noble, Soy chai

Costa Rica!

2009-06-15T21:19:00.001-07:00

2009-01-10T17:37:00.000-08:00

Here is me with the McNeal fam on Christmas!!

2009...it's a good year.

2009-01-10T17:13:00.002-08:00

So despite some emotional downs and struggles recently, I am feeling very good about this next year. I am feeling good personally but I also feel good about life outside of me. I don't know. I am somewhat of a relentless optimist and perhaps once I realize, three months down the road, that I have failed or nearly failed all my goals, perhaps then my optimism will be crushed. But probably not.

Personally, 2009 is the year of goals. I have always struggled with those. I get along and I try to improve on things but really setting, evaluating and completing goals all the way through...that is a goal in and of itself.

My brilliant husband has developed somewhat of a resolution formula for all those goals you strive to achieve come the new year. I figured I would share some. Rick (my brilliant husband) writes a list every year that is composed of these 4 types of resolutions or goals: No, Yes, More, Less.

If you haven't already read about his list, check it out on our blog:

CHRISTINE'S 2009 RESOLUTIONS

No's
No sweets and treats (desserts, cookies, donuts, etc.)
No Junk food (pizza, chips, soda, coffee, etc.)

Yes's
Yes read a book-a-month
Yes workout 3-5X/week
Yes spend daily time with God
Yes get involved in a Church
Yes pay off all debt this year...woo-hoo!

More's
More learning about nutrition
More reading
More making friends in the Northwest
More quality husband time
More hobbies and spending my time wisely

Less's
Less TV - limited to LOST, American Idol, the Mentalist
Less Computer time - I spend too many hours a day in front of a computer
Less laziness altogether
Less negative self-talk

So there it is. My list is still a work in progress but I love the challenge. I love to grow and I have felt pretty stagnant lately so I am excited to be so proactive. So far, as I head into week two, I will say I have been moderately successful. Not perfect but heading in the right track. I hope to keep you updated on how things are going.

I'm Back!

2009-01-10T17:13:00.001-08:00

My goal: to be a little more regular on this thing.

I love Moose...my dream come true.

2008-11-06T16:11:00.001-08:00

Connectedness

2008-11-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

The last couple years of my Mom's life, she regularly went into Boston to see Doctor's at Brigham and Womens hospital. I was often her taxi and became very familiar with that area of Boston, the drive, the parking garage of the hospital, the best Au Bon Pain in town and some of her Doctor's. I still am not sure if I met this Doctor in particular but I will never forget her. I will never forget how we will forever be connected.

My Mom was a spiritual person. She believed there was more to life. It was extremely apparent when she became so sick she could no longer work. As much as she was plagued by addiction and struggle, she believed her life was for a purpose, a good and higher one. Work was a major part of that and when her career as an inner city special needs teacher and coordinator ended, her sense of purpose was threatened.

I never preached at her and honestly I barely spoke audibly about my faith to hear. Sure, I spoke through my actions and my faith in something higher and my strength and friendships but in conversation, not so much. Despite this, my Mom would ask me questions. This was somewhat rare but she would come to me when she obviously had been contemplating something for a while and ask my advice. And the funny thing was, I was her authority. I was her spiritual authority. My Mom never made fun of my faith, she accepted it, she was curious by it and in some ways envious of it.

One day she came to me with one of those questions. She had been seeing a new Doctor who was doing her residency at Brigham and Womens. She was a young Asian woman and professed Christian. My mom new this because she would talk about attending Park Street Church in Boston. My Mom built a relationship with her based around taking blood and talking about me, her christian daughter. Well this woman was sensitive to the spirit and would ask my Mom to pray with her before ending the visit. I didn't find out about all this until my Mom approached me one day. I remember standing at the top of the stairs and she told me all about this new doctor and how wonderful she was and how much she bragged about me. Then she asked, "do you think this is a coincidence or do you think God is trying to tell me something?" I smiled and said "It's not a coincidence. I am sure of it."

I recently took the strengths finder 2.0 test. My number one strength was Connectedness. If you were to turn the page 73 of the Strengths Finder book you would read this about Connectedness: "You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. Your faith is strong, it sustains you in the face of life's mysteries."

I would say I agree with this description but reading it was a good reminder of the gift. The gift of knowing this at my core. That the doctor was no coincidence. That that relationship was pivitoal in shaping my Mom's faith and understanding of Jesus. I made the connection, I lived it and the doctor provided the words and the fellowship my Mom needed. I am certain of my Mom's faith and experience of God at the time of her death. (more stories to come about that later)

As much as I appreciate and relate with this being a trait of my personality, it's hard for me to understand how one has this and another does not. I think it's hard to escape connectedness when you have been through extreme hurt, pain or death. We are all connected at the core. I can't really describe it to bring justice to it. There is only one word. God. Connectedness and God.

NoiseTrade - Fair Trade Music

2008-11-03T16:19:00.001-08:00

Carboard Testimonies

2008-10-26T09:40:00.000-07:00

I sobbed my way through this this morning. I just wanted to share...

I went hiking along in the redwoods...

2008-10-25T17:56:00.000-07:00

I stayed at the Historic Requa Inn...Amazing!

2008-10-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

My redwood adventure

2008-10-25T17:36:00.000-07:00

Roadtrips = worship?

2008-10-24T18:56:00.000-07:00

For some reason, when I am taking a road trip which usually constitutes driving for at least half a day, I find God. Not that I don't think God is "available" to me or far from me at other times. But for me, the freedom of driving and the sense of adventure that comes with a roadtrip inevitable turns my thoughts on God. I think it is many things.

I remember back to my first road trip though Colorado with the one and only Heidi Whipple. I flew out there on what I called a "pilgrimage." I just needed to get away and be in place with majestic scenery and roads and people I didn't know. I got that. My intention was to sort out through the chaos that was my brain and all my many ideas and dreams of where my life would take me, and ultimately come away clearer as to what God's plans were. I met Heidi and we took off. We had a lot to talk about and she was kind and patient when I would have to interrupt conversation to jump out of the car and race towards the wildlife on the side of the road. We talked and drove and covered most of the Eastern side of Colorado. It's an amazing state and EVERYONE should visit. By the end of my trip this is what I came away with. My thoughts had cleared. I had a lot of time away from "noise." I had a new friend to listen - a simple 1 person community God provided almost instantly when I arrived in Colorado. And I had God. He was clear to me on those roads in Colorado.

Another road trip; the big three week trip driving coast to coast with Lauren Peltz. I vaguely remember us talking about how this trip could be a place we allowed God to show up. Well he did, in a massive way. About 2 and half weeks in we wound up in the Grand Tetons. Have you ever been there? The name speaks for itself. They are Grand and Great. We pulled over to the side of the road and sat on my car and let the greatness just be. Since I am not the most poetic person, it's hard to explain but I believed at that moment, Lauren and I comprehended only slightly, the greatness of God through merely taking in his creation. We read something at that time that helped us meditate more on what we were experiencing. I will have to post that later (I don't have it on me.)

Today. A mini road trip that is entangled in what is "work." My job is pretty amazing. The fact that I had to, for my work, drive down route 101 - incredible. Today I ran through the redwoods, literally. I new my husband would be upset if he new I was going for a hike in the middle of nowhere by myself. So, I ran. I figured that would make it all ok. These trees are absurd. Huge. I was preparing myself to turn and see a giant or two walk through. Sometimes it felt as if that would be the only normal thing. I walked along the beach and put my hands in the pacific and listened to waves and the girls who screamed from the cold pacific ocean they forced their bodies into. I drove with the windows down and took be gulps of fresh fresh air. I loved today. I love that once again, I met God today. I was reminded, like every other road trip that he is great. You can see in his creation, in the hugeness of the trees and the vastness of the ocean and in the beauty of the fall, God makes things right. His creation, whether that be a tree or sand or the moon or a human, he is a beautiful craftsman.

I will try and post some pictures soon as well. The inn I am at has some delicious looking cookies. I am going to go look at them.

I'm not funny...

2008-10-23T17:17:00.000-07:00

My husband Rick. He doesn't think I am funny. He broke the news to me about a month or so ago. It was kind of like the "let's just be friends" conversation but he told me "your actually not very funny." He was a little bit gracious but pretty much flat out told me I am boring. For one, I am not boring. Sometimes I am shy which makes me seem boring. I am not boring. For two, I have been known to make a few people laugh in my day. Just a few. I'm no stand up comedian but I think I can be comical.

Since then, since my awakening to the fact that I am indeed not funny, I have been pulling my resources to up the chances of me becoming funny. I have been listening to ALL the comedy stations on XM radio. I have laughed hard and taken notes. I have even been testing my jokes out on the high school students I talk with.

Ok. I'm all done. I'm not funny. I know. Just laugh at me anyway. It makes me feel good.

JJ Heller is a favorite of mine

2008-10-23T09:49:00.001-07:00

lemon curd

2008-10-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in a "Loon Cafe" in old town Bandon, Oregon. I had a great trip yesterday. Very relaxing and worshipful. It was much needed. I think my favorite season is fall. I am blown away every year by the colors changing. Anyway, I was just realizing I haven't written in here in a while. I am new at this habit so bare with me. I will get better. I hope.

I just ate a homemade blueberry scone with homemade lemon curd. Pretty tasty.

Since I don't have a whole lot to say write now. This is a test...to see who will interact with me a bit. Leave me a comment with your favorite breakfast treat. Is it a scone? What kind? A muffin, omelet, etc.

Sam-O

2008-09-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

Today I flew to Ketchikan, Alaska. I sat next to Sam-O. He said I could call him Sam though. I really enjoyed being entertained by his stories and facts. He graduated from high school last year and he was on his way, with a one-way ticket and his Dad sitting in the back, moving to Sitka, Alaska indefinitely.

George Fox Chapel - Sept. 29

2008-09-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

Today at Chapel, Robin Baker (GFU President) stood up to update the student body on the recent incident. He answered questions that had been coming up over and over again in the last week. He acknowledged the magnitude of the whole situation saying that on Thursday alone we received over 12,000 hits to the website, thousands of emails and hundreds of phone calls. Some of the comments are supportive and understanding and some extremely hateful themselves.

What brought me to tears was the campus as a whole - our collective feeling of helplessness. To an extent, an act like this can be rectified only so much. We are dialoguing, we are apologizing, we are proclaiming. But we are helpless. It hurts. It hurts to be misunderstood. It hurts to feel wronged and accused for an act by one (or two or three). Robin Baker didn't fail to acknowledge this side of the incident as well.

We went on, as a united body to sing "Holy, Holy, Holy." There was a weightiness to this heavier than I have ever felt before. In a helpless situation, in what seems unjust, God is Holy. His is pure Good. He is perfect. He is Holy. Holy is not a word I use often. I am not even sure I totally understand the full definition of the word but at this moment, in the wake of this event, God was and is Holy and I understood.

Why a blog?

2008-09-29T21:08:00.000-07:00

A few reasons why I want to blog and my hope for this blog:

1. Just to update people on my life. I fail often at "keeping in touch." If I actually spoke to or wrote a card or hung out with people everytime I thought of them - they all would be sick of me. I think about you all ALL the time. I want to share where I am at and learn and engage with you wherever you are at.

2. To write stories as I remember. I have a lot of memories. Some are clear some are gray. I want to start writing them. DISCLAIMER: I expect some to be unsettling, maybe depressing but what I want most is to see how God has worked in my life. As I remember and tell stories, God reminds me HE WAS THERE. HE IS THERE.

3. Reflection. I grow through talking but also through reflecting. Since journaling has been a little bit of a struggle recently, I want to try this new outlet. I will write about my thoughts. Mostly, I expect them to be incomplete. I will write about what I am wrestling over and my recent epiphanies.

I hope you enjoy!

Simple Faith

2008-09-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

I am in the beginning of a journey of starting over. My faith has gone in so many directions and today I was reminded of the simplicity of my faith. "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so." When Barth was asked to describe his faith in simple terms this is what he said. Weighty words coming from an author of an 8000 page book on theology. I need to bring it all back.

I am excited to start this blog. To share my thoughts with you all. I hope we can keep dialoging because I realize that is how I grow. By sharing, encouraging, thanking, and challenging.

Thanks for your prayers on my journey!!

Where the name comes from...

2008-09-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

Up before the sun
Of all the things I could’ve chosen
This is not the one
Neither sad nor fun
To be chewing on my fingernails
Up before the sun

Angry with the Word
Of all the ways I could’ve listened
This is what I heard
Neither fish nor bird
To be on the earth and wrestling
Angry with the word

Trusting in Your heart
All the things that could’ve killed me
Or torn me apart
Neither end not start
To be somewhere in the middle of it
Trusting in your heart

-Waterdeep

This was a song I really resonated with during college. A time of leaning on God but wrestling with him as well. A little christine history.

Eat Pray Love Portland

2007-10-06T21:09:00.000-07:00

So I feel funny....doing this right now. blogging. i am new. well not that new. college was the live journal thing. I loved it and was insecure about it just about equally. My new favorite book is east pray love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I don't really have any friend here yet so Gilbert will suffice. And although ten years younger, I feel some intimiacy and similarity in her divorce experience and desire for travel and self discovery.
Although I am lonely and realize how much I am entertained by people I think I have needing this down time to relax and take things slow. things are just slower here. i need to work hard to maintain the speed i was at at home and i just don't have the drive. I would rather be productive half the day and read or people watch the rest of the day. Gilbert speaks of an experience in learning to move her eyes and outlook from seeing through her mind to seeing through her heart. I desire that today. To be patient and to see others through my heart - a holy and divine perspective, authentic and valuable.
I am thinking of Benjamin, my library friend. I met him today and he was speaking on another level and I mostly nodded and sat awkwardly timid to say the wrong thing to through off is chakra or to somehow make him think I was a loser or just realize i had no idea what he was talking about. benjamin, loved me and wanted good things for me. i had never met him. but out of everything i got from him or didnt get i was able to walk away with that. and a number to jam whenever i want. perhaps i will bring my tamborine to benjamins house. since he is my only friend at the moment.
fragmented and a simple beginning.